The Ocean of Time - Creeping Black
by Crying a song
Summary: Creeping Black is second part of a compilation of stories named The Ocean of Time and thus sequel to Shimmering Stars. The main characters are Commander Angel Sun Shepard, Kaidan Alenko and Thane Krios. The time stamp of the Creeping Black is set to 2183 - 2185 (time of ME1) and follows the romace between Shepard and Alenko, and at times casts spotlight to Krios.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's notes:**_

_First of all let me welcome you warmly to this fan-fiction. You, my dearest reader, are probably eager to skip my ramblings and dive into the story that follows you, alas, there are few things I need to say before I let you to it. I ask for your patience in this matter as in some others._

_First of all, you should probably be aware that English is not my first language and thus you will most probably encounter spelling and grammar mistakes as well as maybe awkward expressions. I run each chapter through spell and grammar check so that should eliminate some of them, but with great sadness many still remain, I am sure. If any of you, kind readers, would be willing to help me with this fiction, please be my guest. Help would be cherished._

_Secondly, I feel the need to say __few words about the story that follows__:_

_First of all, the story before you is second part in the compilation that I named The Ocean of Time. First part is Shimmering Stars (you might want to read that one before this one, if you yet didn`t but it`s not strictly necessary, you will just simply miss on few things.)_

_That said, I wish you happy reading. Keep in mind that the reviews are food for any writer and makes us write even more, update more often etc. and as such are greatly desired._

_**Disclaimer:**_

_Base story, character names, other names, locations etc. are rightful property of Bio Ware and Co. as stated on the Mass Effect 1, Mass Effect 2 and Mass Effect 3 packages._

_Other stuff is from my crazy mind._

_**How to read and some info of importance:**_

_As said, Creeping Black is a sequel to Shimmering Stars and thus would be recommended that you read that one before this one._

_**Shimmering Stars**__, first story in a compilation named __**The Ocean of Time**_ _has a time stamp of __**2146 – 2183.**_

_**Creeping Black, second story in a compilation named The Ocean of Time has a time stamp of 2183 - 2185.**_

_**Creeping Black**_ _is divided with chapters, as usually, but is furthermore divided also in two other segments as follows:_

_Part 1: __**Aspiration**_ _(Shepard & Alenko)_

_Part 2: __**Meditation**_ _(Krios)_

* * *

**CHAPTER 1: Stargazer**

**Aspiration: Part One**

The Citadel, colossal deep-space station, located in Serpent Nebula, served as the capital of the Citadel Council. The gravity on it was stimulated through rotation, and it was a comfortable 1.02 standard G` on the Wards and a light 0.3 standard G's on the Presidium Ring. It's total length when in opened status was 44.7 km, it's diameter 12.8 km with gross weight of 7.11 billion metric tons. The population number was differing between 13 to 13.2 million residents of all civilized races, the humans included. Nobody knew who build it, nor when exactly was built, but all agreed that it is an ancient construct, kept functioning perfectly by the keepers, a strange spider-like creatures who didn't communicated with anybody, scurrying around and keeping the station in order, adjusting it when needed, without ever being asked to by the occupants. All that the asari, the turians, the salarians and all other races knew was, that when they found this space station the keepers were already there and not hostile, even-more, they promptly adjusted it to accommodate the new-comers.

It was a year of 2183 by the human`s count when Staff Commander Shepard found herself once more on the Citadel. She had 10 hours to kill before she would be officially introduced to her new crew and Captain from whom she would be taking orders.

The Alliance didn't offered her any details what-so-ever and she hated being in dark, but at same time she understood it completely. By this time she was already used of secrecy and she figured that this is probably just another one of the classified missions she is being sent on. Nothing new. But from some reason she felt somewhat nervous and it bugged her that she didn't know why. There were always good chances that something would go wrong on her assignment, actually it always did, and she was ready for it.

Angel Sun Shepard pushed the dark thoughts somewhere deep and decided that she would rather use her free time to grab a drink. She had no intention of getting drunk, no, that was not her style. She was just in need of a little distraction, a little relaxation. She felt she deserves that.

Shepard switched her Alliance outfit for a cosy pair of jeans and somewhat shabby looking t-shirt. She let her long brown hair to fall loose over her shoulders and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her lips quirk in small half-smile. It wasn't often for her to look as civilian so she cherished this rare moment of it.

She left the small one-room apartment that the Alliance rented for her in this occasion and headed to the Blue Moon Bar. She liked that bar. The music was not so loud as elsewhere in the Citadel, the lights were dim, the settings were far enough from each other to give a person a sense of privacy and there were no asari dancers to be found anywhere. This latter was something that Shepard cherished the most. She didn't had anything against the asaris, besides thing that they are self-centric narcissistic creatures, but she didn't appreciate having their asses and breasts invading her eye-sight at every turn. The second thing she appreciated was that nobody here called her "Shepard". She knew the owner of this fine establishment in person and was thus known only as "Angie". It was not her real name, of course, but Mr. Honeysuckle gave her such nick-name and she simply didn't object. It gave her a little anonymity when joined with the fact that she didn't look like a soldier that she was, nor as she looked on those darn Alliance's recruitment posters that she had to pose for.

As soon as she stepped inside, she looked around for familiar faces and found none. Shepard was at same time disappointed and relieved. She would welcome a friendly banter, but at same time she just wished for some peace. She found a setting at the bar and ordered herself a Deep-space cocktail. The dark-blue looking beverage was nicely cold and the explosion of subtle tastes on her tongue brought a smile to her lips and she let out a satisfied sight. Yes, this was exactly what she needed.

Shepard was completely lost in her thoughts when the seat beside her was claimed by a human male who ordered the same drink as she did.

"Who would thought... only six people in the whole galaxy ever order Deep-space cocktail and now two of them are her at same time. The mathematical possibility for such occurrence is... small," Miss Matilda, the bartender said to the newcomer and around Shepard from her thoughtfulness.

"Oh, really? Who," the man asked.

Miss Matilda nudged her face towards Shepard: "Our Angie here," she smiled.

Shepard raised her glass in mock salute, grinning: "Cheers."

"Cheers, ma'am," the man drawled and raised his glass in response.

Their attentions returned to their glasses then, but Shepard nevertheless observed the man with a corner of her eye. She concluded that he is not a bad-looking guy, at least he didn't seemed to be. The lightning was dim enough that the details of his face got somewhat lost. She briefly considered trying to entangling him into conversation, but he seemed to be somewhat lost in thoughts and she decided not to. She took another sip of the drink then started to mule around her new assignment again. It was really bothering her that she wasn't given any information of it at all besides the time frame.

After a while a deep, soft male voice broke the train of her thoughts: "Do you come here often?"

Shepard looked at him rather abruptly: "What?"

"I... um...," he seemed to be taken little aback. "I just... I don't remember seeing you here before," he said bashfully. If the light would be better, she would see a slight red creeping to his cheeks, but she could guess it just as fine.

"Oh," she sighted. "I'm sorry, I was lost in thought there," she smiled.

"Yea, I noticed that," he chuckled, relaxed.

"As per your question, I guess not. I come here when I find a time, though," she answered his initial question.

"Living on the Citadel or," he asked. Shepard raised her eyebrow and he quickly amended: "I mean... if it's not to personal to ask... ma'am."

Shepard hazard a guess that he is probably a soldier between assignments, just as her and from the looks of it, he wasn't used of addressing strangers either. She briefly considered having fun with the guy and make him sweat a little more, but then decided that it would be too cruel and he did seemed nice, so she decided to go easy on him.

"Nah, I'm not from the Citadel. You," she asked.

"No, just passing by. I'm an earthling," he answered.

"Earthling," she laughed. "I never heard anybody calling himself that. I think I like it."

"Are you from Earth also," he asked.

She raised an eyebrow playfully: "Do I look like an asari to you?"

He appraisingly looked her up and down and spoke slowly: " No blue skin. Check. Not wearing too tight and too revealing clothes. Check. Having actually hair. Cheek. Addendum: they look nice. Hm, well, nope, I don't think you an asari and thank god for that," he laughed.

"Damn, I thought I could fool you," she chuckled. "And no, I'm not an... earthling myself. I'm a star-gazer."

"A star-gazer," he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yea... well... space-kid sounds a little to childish and a spacer reminds me more of being spaced...," she explained.

"I get it," he nodded smiling. " A star-gazer. I think I like the sound of it. Ever been to Earth," he asked.

"Yea, few times actually. Didn't had much time for sight-seeing though, I was... let's say on business." She didn't want to say that she was training at the Vila Militar. It was nice being just a civilian for a while.

"A business," he raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Um...yea... I can tell you all about it if you wish, but I warn you," she leaned towards him, pretending as to divulge a secret, whispering: "But I would have to kill you afterwards." She pulled herself away from him again and added a little louder: "And that, sir, I believe would be a shame."

He chuckled: "Ah, an agent on a top-secret mission. I get it, truly I do." He leaned towards her in much the same way as she did before, almost whispering: "Same here, you know. But I think I wouldn't be able to end you afterwards."

Shepard laughed: " I see we have only two options then. Either we don't speak of... our line of work or... ah no, that would be... nah..."

"Hm... I'm very interested in hearing the other option," he said, then added laughing: "Do not make me use my interrogation skills!"

"Would they include you dragging me somewhere private," she asked sultry as she felt playful even if she usually wasn't.

He caught, slightly embarrassed: "I... um... well... yea, ma'am."

"Sounds promising," she chuckled.

He relaxed then: "So, the other option?"

"You won't let it loose, will you," she sighted, dramatically.

"Nope, I won't," he laughed.

"Oh well... the other option is that we divulge the secrets and then steal a nice little ship and just fly away together, get lost in deep space," she said laughing.

"I like the sound of that," he chuckled.

"Oh you do," she playfully raised an eyebrow.

That got him to stammer again: "I... um... well... yes, ma'am."

Shepard found it adoring cute.

"Perhaps some other time then," she said a tiniest bit more seriously, then added with a laugh: "I just need to save the galaxy first."

He sihted, dramatically: "Damn... me too," then laughed.

Little did either of them knew that there will come a time when that will be exactly what they will have to do or at least attempt to do.

"Copy-cat," she nudged him.

"Another drink," he smiled, asking.

"Sure, why not," she nodded and called Miss Matilda to mix them another cocktail.

They kept chatting for an hour or so, masterfully evading the paths of discussion that would lead towards revealing what they do for life. They didn't speak of anything meaningfully, just some random things, laughing a lot and flirting here and there. It was... nice.

Shepard's omni-tool beeped and she looked at it: "Oh darn," she muttered.

"Something bad," he raised his eyebrow.

"No," she said then paused before continuing: "Or yes... depends how you look at it. It's just that it's time for me to leave and get ready for... well..." she frowned.

"Mhm, to doing classified things," he laughed, but his laughter had a slightly sad taste to it.

"Exactly..."

He looked at the time: "Believe it or not, but I have to get ready also."

She raised an eyebrow: "Seriously..."

"No, really," he cast a smile at her. "It's somewhat funny."

"That it is... Anyhow... it was nice meeting you. I hope your... classified stuff... goes well," she stood up and pulled a credit-chip from her purse.

"Let me... please," he stopped her and promptly paid the bill.

"Why thank you, I thought gentleman's went instinct," she said playfully.

"Nah, we didn't really, but it takes a real lady for us to reveal ourself," he chuckled.

"If you say so," she laughed. "As much as I hate to go so promptly... but I must... so take care."

"Yea... you to, miss," he answered. She turned around to leave but was stopped in track by him: "Hey... I never... caught your name..."

Shepard turned back to him. She briefly considered revealing who she was, but went against it. It was nice few hours and if he was an Alliance soldier as she thought, then things might become somewhat... tense, as they usually did. "Angie," she said,: "You can call me Angie."

He tilted his head a bit. Somehow it didn't seemed exactly truthfully, from what-ever reason. "I'm... Kai," he told her. It wasn't exactly his name either, but if she felt the need to... well... he would also.

Shepard raised an eyebrow: "If you say so... Kai."

She was just about to leave when his voice stopped her once more:" Angie!"

"Yes," she asked.

"Will I... will I see you again," he had to ask.

Shepard quirk a smile: "Perhaps. The Universe is a small place after all, isn't it."

"I guess so," he grinned. It was not a -yes-, but it wasn't a -no- either and he figured he could work with it. "A year from now?" He wasn't sure how long his next mission would take, nor if he would have time then, but somehow it seemed right to say.

"A fan of old movies, are you," she chuckled, then straightened up: "You have a deal, sir. A year from now. Same place, same time." They would both forget it, she was sure, but well... why not.

He flashed a big smile at her and she suddenly wished that the lightning would be better so that she could actually see the details of his face: "We have a date then."

She simply nodded to him and smiled back, then she turned around and left him. She vaguely thought that he seemed somewhat familiar, but she was unable to pint-point it, and so she let it rest. It wasn't important anyhow. It was time for her to get her meagre gear and head to the dock where her new Captain would be waiting for her.

As he watched her leaving, a strange sensation got over him. She seemed... familiar from somewhere. It was to dark to actually truly see her face, and it was partially obscured by her long hair. He found himself standing and lamely staring after her when he suddenly rushed towards the door. He hopped that he would be able to see her for one last time, in the light. That would probably jog his memory into remembering, but when he got out he, with disappointment, discovered she is already gone. He sihted and left. His shore-leave came to and end.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2: Mocking Destiny**

**Aspiration: Part Two**

Shepard worked quickly and eagerly, packing her things, checking if she has everything that she needs. She took a shower before and she spent a little too long, enjoying the clean warm water washing over her. Now she was in a hurry. She cheeked her uniform for wrinkles and was pleased when she found none. She tied her long brown hair into a tight bun and mock-saluted to her reflection in the mirror. She then picked up her military-grade bag and headed to the exit, glancing over the room for one last time, checking if she didn't forgot anything behind. She didn't, she was ready. Her extreme short shore-leave came to its end.

Shepard called a cab then let herself to be driven to the dock where "her" new ship was awaiting her.

"Captain Anderson," she saluted to the older man, when he came towards her. It was as much a greeting, as it was a question.

"Commander Shepard," Anderson nodded in response, giving her an appraising look. "You haven't changed, I see. Punctual as ever."

"Yes, sir," she replied.

"At ease, Commander," he said, then gave her a bit of a smile. "As you probably figured by now, you are to be one of my crew. I asked the HQ for your transfer."

"I'm honoured, sir," she replied.

"Yes, well... you should be. The Normandy is one of a kind ship build with a human-turian co-operation."

"The turians, sir" she raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, something about -warming- up our relations. What matters is, that it is the finest vessel that the Alliance has. As such, the HQ deemed necessary that the crew serving on it is also the finest," he told her.

"Of course, sir," she answered.

Captain Anderson gave Commander Shepard some basic, first-hand specifications about the Normandy SR-1 and she listened in awe. It was almost too good to be true, but it was. When she finally laid her eyes upon the ship, then she actually gasped. It was simply amazing to look at. Anderson nodded at her, knowingly, then revealed some more information as they were slowly walking towards landing, where more important members of the crew already awaited them, ready to be introduced to their new Commander.

* * *

Kaidan Alenko was standing in attention, waiting for the Captain to return and introduce the new Commander. He was nervous, more than ever. He already made a fool of himself when his new Captain personally welcomed him aboard, gasping and gaping like a teenager as he admired the ship. _"So much for first impressions,"_ he thought darkly. He was glad that the Captain at least didn't seemed to mind... nevertheless... he just hoped that meeting the new Commander would go smoother.

"Yo, Lieutenant Alenko, do you think the rumours are correct," the Normandy's helmsmen Moreau, or Joker as they called him, asked Kaidan in hushed voice.

"What rumours, Joker," Kaidan asked in same.

"That we are getting the famous Commander Shepard," Joker rolled his eyes.

"Where did you heard that," Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, you know... few mentioned it," Joker shrugged.

"I don't know," Kaidan answered truthfully, wondering.

"Can you imagine? Working with The Butcher of Torfan herself," Joker continued. "If that doesn't bring chills to your bones, then I don't know what will. I hear she is colder than ice, sharp as diamond razor and..."

Kaidan cut him off, rolling his eyes: "Oh yes, and she shoots fireballs from her eyes."

"I didn't heard of that, but they do say that she shoots fireballs from her nipples," Joker chuckled.

"Joker," Kaidan frowned: "I would advice you to keep your tongue in cheek!"

"Ow, aren't we touchy," Joker shrugged. "But seriously, they say she is one mean killing machine, and a hell of a pain to work under. You make one tiny mistake or if you have one hair out of the line... she hard-heartedly shoots you straight in the head and then airlocks you."

"I wouldn't believe all that I hear, if I would be you. You are forgetting the Elysium and other missions she partake. Must I mention to you that there are reports about the missions where she didn't even have to shoot once," Kaidan replied.

"Oh yes, sure... I bet she just gave them a mean look and everybody surrendered in panic," Joker frowned. "Oh look, Captain is finally coming."

Kaidan noticed him also: "I see... and well, at least partly you were right... our new Commander seems to be a woman."

"Hell yes," Joker cheered, then his face fall a bit as they came a little closer: "Damn... no...no...no... we really did get Commander Shepard... Oh hell... we are so screwed..."

Kaidan chuckled: "I guess you are, especially if I tell her what you said about her."

Joker frowned: "You wouldn't..."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow: "I wouldn't?"

Joker looked at him almost pleadingly, then realizing that the Lieutenant is trying very hard to keep himself from laughing, said darkly: "You are evil! And you know what, Lieutenant Alenko, payback is a bitch! Remember that."

"Yea, yea," Kaidan chuckled. "Now shut up. They are almost here..."

Kaidan focused his gaze on the Commander and he mentally frowned. The destiny was mocking him as he realized that Angie, a woman he meet at the bar, is no other than his new Commander. The memory of their banter from just few hours ago flashed behind his eyes and he felt warmth creeping into his cheeks, a lump forming in his throat, feeling sick. He felt as if an asteroid just smashed into him with full force.

_"Will I... will I see you again," he had to ask her before she would disappear._

_"Perhaps. The Universe is a small place after all, isn't it," she answered him. _

Yes, she was right... the Universe in all it's vastness was a small place... and had a twisted sense of humour also, as it seemed. He was wondering if she knew who he was and that they would be working together... but he doubted it, she probably wouldn't behave as she did if she would... or would she... Kaidan was at the loose... and he wished to be somewhere else entirely...

* * *

Captain Anderson introduced Commander Shepard to the crew, one by one. She was pleased to see that the crew seemed capable, at least at first sight. Only time would tell if it is true, but she was a good judge of character. Some of the names and faces she recognized, serving with them in past, others from records, others she meet and heard for first time.

Dr. Chakwas she knew well enough. Her mother told her, that if Dr. Chakwas would not be on the ship she served at the time that she was born, Shepard would not be alive. She met her at the Arcturus med-bay also, after... well, after that. She was a very capable woman and Shepard felt relieved knowing that she will be patching her up.

Engineer Adams she knew from before also. He served on same ship as she did, when she was on her first post. She was glad to see they will work together again, trusting his ability.

Presley she didn't know, but she heard of him. A capable and loyal man who knew his ways around the Alliance. He was offered a promotion few times, but

he refused, feeling comfortable where he was. She didn't hold it against him. The man knew where he can excel and didn't push for more, probably knowing his limitation. That was something that Shepard could admire and respect.

Private Jenkins was somebody she didn't know from before. He was still young and Shepard guessed he didn't yet seen much action. Captain Anderson told her that Jenkins was top in his class and Jenkins himself conformed that this was only his second post. Shepard, within few spoken lines, discovered that the young soldier is extremely eager man. She could easily understand that, remembering that she was much the same years back, when she was still green behind her ears. She made a mental note to bring him gently back to the grounds. The eagerness wouldn't do him any good if they would find themselves in a fight. He needed to be clear-headed.

The helmsman was... well... he was... Shepard was actually not exactly able to tag him. She heard of him. Probably everybody did. He excelled at school , finished it in record time and with more than flying colours. This was to be his first post, but he was already known for pulling manoeuvres that nobody knew were possible. She could fall great deal of anxiety in him as they were being introduced, but it melted completely away as soon as she offered him an encouraging smile. She was sure that she should regret it, because his attitude towards her promptly changed and he uttered few quite inappropriate jokes that he should be reprimanded for, however neither her, nor Captain Anderson mustered it, both already accepting that Joker was... well Joker.

At the last, Captain Anderson introduced her to the Lieutenant and if Shepard wouldn't be Shepard she would be blushing vigorously, looking at the floor in embarrassment and unable to speak. But Shepard was nothing else than Shepard, so with small -or big- miracle she managed to keep all those things hidden inside and look the Lieutenant straight in the eyes with her - I'm_ Commander Shepard and nothing fazes me, ever!_- expression.

"Lieutenant Alenko is a skilled technician and a biotic. He will be in your strike team," Captain Anderson spoke.

"A technician AND a biotic," Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, ma'am," Kaidan answered crisply, his posture stiff. He didn't know what to think... She made no inclination that she even remembers him, and perhaps it would be for the better if she wouldn't, but he couldn't help to feel disappointed at it anyhow. On top of that, she didn't seemed to be pleased hearing he was a biotic. It was a sentiment that he was used of till now, but it still bothered him, even-more so that it was coming from her. "I hope you won't find it hard to work with a biotic, ma'am," he couldn't resist himself from saying, a little to sharp as would be proper and he mentally cursed at it, the slight red to his cheeks dissipating and leaving him quite pale.

At this Shepard wrinkled her forehead, unsure of what caused this spike. Somehow she managed to offend him, she realized. She calmly responded: "I don't see why working with a biotic would pose problems, if anything, it will make things easier, Lieutenant."

Kaidan felt... well, he felt annoyed at himself. It was now quite obvious that she didn't meant it negatively and he over-reacted. At least she didn't shoot him... yet. His head sagged a little as he muttered a hushed: "I'm sorry, ma'am... I..." He didn't know what to say, really.

Shepard tilted her head a tiniest bit and gave him a small half-smile: "No harm done, Lieutenant. I'm sure you had good reasons."

At this Kaidan relaxed a bit: "Thank you, ma'am."

"The biotics that I worked with in past always pulled their weight and then some. I'm glad that I will have one to watch my back again," she said sincerely.

Kaidan flashed a smile at her: "I will do my best, ma'am. If I may say, it will be an honour to work under you, Commander Shepard."

"Oh you think so," Shepard couldn't resist herself from saying, tilting her head a bit.

As soon as the words left her lips, Kaidan flushed deep red, realizing that what he said could be interpreted...differently: "I... um... I...," he was unable to respond coherently. Captain Anderson caught, trying to swallow laughter.

Shepard almost felt ashamed for teasing the Lieutenant... almost. The expression on his face was simply too priceless, but she did make a mental note to not do it again. They will have to work together after-all... She allowed herself a small, brief chuckle, then she straightened up and addressed him once more, completely serious: " I look forward working with you also, Lieutenant Alenko." She gave him a respectful salute and smiled.

Kaidan managed to look her back in the eyes and salute back: "Thank you, ma'am." His words were almost whispered, but she caught them anyhow and gave him a nod.

"Shepard, I believe is high-time that I show you the inside of the ship," Captain Anderson addressed her.

"Yes, sir! I'm eager to see this gem," Shepard answered.

"Let's move then. I believe Joker is hardly waiting to fly her away," he laughed.

Captain Anderson started to move. Shepard stayed behind for a second, leaning a bit towards Kaidan and whispering to him: "The Universe is smaller than I thought...," before striding after the Captain without looking back at Lieutenant.

Kaidan could do nothing more than stare after her open-mouthed... well... at least he would stare after her as such, but he was Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, and Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko did no such thing... he did stare however and he did have a crooked half-smile plastered on his face and his cheeks did burn a little... he wasn't always unfazed Commander Shepard after all.

Beside him Joker hardly contained his laughter: "Oh man, you are fully in!"

All that Kaidan managed at that point was to give a Joker what he thought would be a commanding stare that would say -SHUT UP- without uttering actual words. It seemed that he failed however when all he got from Joker was an even stronger laughter: "Oh yes, oh yes you are," before he slowly turned away from him and headed inside the Normandy.

Commander Shepard was definitely a very capable woman who demanded respect, there was no doubt about it. On top of that, she was also a good-looking. She had a scare running from her hair-line, over her brow and eye further down over her lips on her chin, but that only gave her more character and in a way made her even more beautiful. And Angie, as she named herself few hours ago, was interesting and fun woman. Kaidan couldn't help himself wondering how these two mix together... then he mentally shook himself. Shepard was his Commander and he will have to work with her. Time for fooling was long past and he would not disappoint with acting like some crazed adolescence.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3: Voidgazer**

**Meditation: Part One**

Ilium, an asari governed planet was beautiful in outside, however the inside was corrupted and it's decayed finely hidden behind a delicate veil of laws. The Indented servitude was nothing more than the bureaucracy allowing slavery and naming it in a way that wouldn't sound offensive in a polite conversation.

Thane at first thought that he would be content in his apartment, just meditating through his last years... and he was for a while. Inactivity did not suit him, however. He tried painting once more, but was unable to paint anything else beyond a broken body of his wife, of tears of his son as they let the waters of Khaje take her... and he gave up.

He wandered aimlessly through the streets, not noticing the horizon, nor the people... well, at least not beyond his learned awareness of surroundings that had him always ready to defend or run if the need would arise.

His omni-tool biped and he promptly looked for a secluded spot to open the message he just received without possibility of somebodies nosiness seeing something for what he would then have to kill them... literary.

_Mr. Krios,_

_the informers told us that you have been inactive for several months. Since what-ever business you were occupying yourself with and since you decided against raising your son, this one was given an instruction to contact you once more and extend an offer of activating you back to duty that you have been released from previously. This is by no way an order and it thus depends merely on your own will, however The Illuminated Primacy would have a dire need of someone of your skill to help us with our little misfortunes. This one will be eagerly awaiting your replay._

_-Dances in the folly of everlasting hope_

Thane found this quite... interesting. He never heard of any agent being released from the service and then reinstated. It was not how the Illuminated Primacy worked, or at least it was not how it used to work. He wasn't sure what to think about it, so he decided to give himself some time before answering and... meditate. That always helped him in reaching the decisions that were... important.

* * *

Thane meditated for whole night. As much as the thought of working again was appealing to him... something was stopping him from simply obliging and he wasn't completely sure what it was.

His disease was progressing, that was what the doctors told him and what he could also feel, but it wasn't so far yet that it would unable for him to work. He was sure that he has few more years in him.

But somehow it felt wrong to just return and continue as if nothing happened. He was a changed man and discarding that would be dishonourable, not only to his wife's and son's name, but to him also.

It has also been years since he lastly worked for the Illuminated Primacy. Of course he freelanced for some time afterwards, but that was different. He was given much more information about the cause for the contract and it was he who decided if he will take it or decline it. He was just a tool in both cases, that was true, but he was unable to lie that having an option to decide if he will take a job or not didn't felt important to him. The Illuminated Primacy didn't worked like that, he had no choice, he had to follow orders, ask no questions, have no doubts.

No, it would not work. Not any-more. He did decide that he will once again start to freelance and that gave him a bit of purpose, even if not much. It was however better than sitting in one of his apartments and just... remember every single moment that he desperately wished would return back so that he could do things different, that he would prevent her dying, that he would... something.

He hastily scribed a message back to his hanar contact, declining the offer, but informing them that he will be freelancing. He almost felt sorrow for disappointing them, but he felt that his decision was a right one.

* * *

Few hours later Thane received another message back, the underlying tone of it was regret and Thane felt shame. He really should not refuse such kind offer from those who saved his race. He should continue respecting the Compact and working for them... The word was said however, and Thane was never a man who would change his mind in an instant and as such he did not.

Thane was however slightly surprised when he noticed that the message that he received contained encryption that he was familiar with. Every assassin had a personal code that would enable encrypting the job assignments.

It seemed that the Illuminated Primacy decided to use his skills anyhow, this time as a free agent. It pleased Thane that he was offered not one, but three different jobs and it was up to him which one he would take, If any.

He carefully read the information and then took some time to decide. The job on the Citadel seemed more suited for him than other two and as such that was the one that he picked.

A day later he was travelling towards the Citadel, his mind already completely detached from his body. It was time for him to be a tool and nothing more... and while he was as such, his mind was gazing at the void inside of him...


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4: Uneasiness**

**Aspiration: Part Three**

Commander Shepard was pain in the ass, Joker was partly right when he noted as such not so long ago. A month has passed from when she joined the crew of the Normandy SR1 and as soon as they left the dock, she showed every single crewman why she is a Commander and why the Alliance consider her one of the best,

She wasn't brutal, nor was she cruel, she however demanded excellency and professionalism from everybody. It would not be exaggeration to say that the crew righteously feared her and as such each one of them tried their darn best to not disappoint her, Kaidan included.

Thus far she didn't air-locked anybody yet. Joker was disappointed for he lost a beat about just that. She didn't shout. Actually she never said anything that would actually sound as a criticism of their work. Commander Shepard would just stopped behind ones back, look over the work and then, if she would not find it satisfactory, she would give the person -A LOOK- and marched away without further comment. It was... unnerving and highly efficient for anybody that was subjugated to it fixed what-ever was wrong and even did better than what would be expected.

* * *

Kaidan was working at his post, trying to maximize the energy input on the console when Commander Shepard stopped behind his back. He felt cold chill ran down his spine, feeling frustrated. On impulse he wanted to tell her that she is messing with his concentration, standing like a judge and executioner behind him, but he swallowed that instinct down. It wouldn't do him anything good, if he wouldn't. He hazard a guess, that if he would utter a complain about it, he would probably be the first Normandy's crewmen who was air-locked by her... and Joker would win his second bet, that way.

"Am I correct that you are trying to maximize the energy input," Commander Shepard asked and made Kaidan unintentionally flinch.

Kaidan turned around and noticed the Commander looking at him with a raised eyebrow: "Um...yes, ma'am."

Commander Shepard looked at the panel again for a moment then turned back to him. "You may continue, Lieutenant," she said with very small, almost invisible, half-smile before leaving him to his work.

"Yes, ma'am," he managed to say before she was gone.

Kaidan left out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and relaxed a bit. He was relieved that she didn't gave him -THAT LOOK- and even proud that she was approved of what he was doing. She didn't says it directly, that was true, but that little half-smile that she offered him spoke volumes.

Kaidan occasionally remembered the time when he meet her under the name of "Angie" at the Citadel, but now after a month of serving under her, he concluded that "Angie" and Commander Shepard were nothing alike even if they were the same woman. He respected that. He, as Lieutenant weren't exactly same as "Kai" either.

At first he was worried that their brief encounter would be troublesome for their working relationship, but as the days passed he was relieved to see that they were both professional and neither mentioned nor implied their meeting at the bar.

* * *

"I don't understand it Captain... why on earth would we want a Spectre on the ship," Commander Shepard questioned Captain Anderson. Their discussion was hushed, but Kaidan and Joker who sat at the table next to them heard few things regardless.

"I never said that we want him," Anderson said.

"All right... then let me refraze that. Why on earth would we want a Spectre that we don't want on the ship to be on the ship," Shepard chuckled.

Anderson raised an eyebrow at her, then half-laughed. "Because they ordered us to accept him?"

"Mmmm," Shepard ran a finger over the scare on her face: "And you of course always follow orders."

"No more and no less than you, Shepard," Anderson chuckled.

"There is that," Shepard sighted. "Did the command gave you a reason why we must babysit him or?"

"I did, but I'm not at liberty to tell you anything more than what I already did," Anderson replied.

"Ah yes... and we need a Spectre to help us cheek a peaceful colony and conform that all is fine... I see," Shepard shrugged.

"Orders are orders," Anderson laughed.

"One of these days," Shepard sighted, but left the end of her sentence to hang in the air.

"In any case we need to get ready," Anderson said as he stood up. Shepard nodded and did the same, then followed him to Captain's cabin to go through details.

"A Spectre? Here," Joker furrowed his eyebrows questioningly.

"It seems so," Kaidan answered.

"I don't like this, I really don't," Joker grimaced.

"I don't know... it could be interesting," Kaidan voiced his opinion.

"Interesting my ass! I tell you, there is something bad-smelling in this and for once it isn't you," Joker retorted.

Kaidan rolled his eyes then left the helmsman alone by the table without saying anything more.

* * *

Nhilus was a turian Spectre that joined them shortly after. He was cold, calculating creature who wasn't interested in small-talk. He stalked around the Normandy and everybody were even more on edge than before, when only Commander Shepard did the stalking.

Kaidan was helping Joker to pilot the ship. They had to get ready for a Mass Relay jump and even if Joker was more than capable to manage it on his own, the protocol demanded that another crew-member capable of assisting is present.

"Don't tell me you didn't noticed! Nhilus is almost the same as Commander Shepard," Joker frowned.

"I beg to differ," Kaidan replied. Sure, there were similarities in behaviour between the Spectre and their Commander, but he wouldn't go so far as to say they were the same.

"Oh come on Alenko, even you had to notice it," Joker frowned.

"All right, all right... they do have similar demeanour but that is where the similarities end also," Kaidan conceded.

"Seeing that turian makes me wonder why the Commander herself isn't a Spectre," Joker's frown depend.

"You know as good as I that there are no human Spectres," Kaidan sighted. He really wasn't in the mood for another -The Commander Shepard- talk with Joker. As much as the man claimed to dislike her, he obviously was more than happy to have her on his mind constantly and Kaidan was sure that Joker, in secret, actually liked her far more than he let to show. Kaidan liked her also. She was nice to the eyes, but more importantly, he could do nothing else than admire her, professionally mostly. He was intrigued by her... Kaidan was pretty sure he never meet anybody just like her, in more than one regard.

Their conversation was cut shot because Nhilus decided to cheek on their progress. Joker felt proud as he managed one more perfect jump, Nhilus took it coldly, as if succeeding as Joker did would be a child's play, then he left Kaidan and Joker to continue with their work.

Joker was of course offended and he blatantly impersonated Nhilus`s words, making grimaces, to Kaidan. Alenko had to chuckle, even if he tried not to.

"I tell you Alenko, something is going on," Joker said to Kaidan in all seriousness. Kaidan thought of replaying, but hold his tongue as he noticed that Commander Shepard came up to the bridge, as silent as ever.

"Everything all right here," Shepard asked and made Joker jump in his char.

"Commander! I seriously wish you wouldn't sneak on me like that," he scoveled back at her.

"Why," Shepard raised an eyebrow at Joker. "Were you surfing the extra-net in search of porn again?"

Kaidan hardly managed to hide a gasp as he heard her question. He turned at her to see any hint of smile on her face, but discovered that she is deathly serious and as such he was unable to figure out if she is joking, teasing or... getting ready to chastise their helmsman.

"I... I didn't... not this time," Joker blushed a little bit. He had a misfortune of doing just that once when she came to cheek on him and she was quite strict with him that time.

Commander Shepard surprised both of them when she let out a chuckle while she gently patted Joker on his arm, minding the fact that he was suffering from Vrolic`s syndrome because of which he had brittle bones.

Kaidan looked at her in a shock, then as he saw a smile playing on her lips he couldn't think of anything else beside that she should smile more. She looked wonderful with lips gently tugged in a smile... she really did.

"Damn you Commander," Joker said with a scowl. "I thought you will air-lock me! You are an evil woman, Shepard."

"Provided I'm a woman at all," Shepard chuckled once more, rolling her eyes at him at the same time.

Joker looked at her up and down. Shepard raised a questionably eyebrow at him, then Joker concluded: "Yep,definitely a woman and one with sinister figure. Wouldn't you say so Alenko?"

"Yea," Kaidan said without thinking, unconsciously giving her appraising look. Shepard's eyes shoot towards him and he blushed vigorously, realizing what he just said he tried to -fix- it: "I mean no..."

At that Shepard's eyebrow shoot dangerously high as she slightly titled her head.

"Oh man... now you did it," Joker snickered at Kaidan.

Kaidan had no idea how to get out of it, none what-so-ever: " I...I..."

Shepard shook her head slightly then turned towards Joker: "ETA, Joker?"

Kaidan was relieved that she decided to -let it go-, at least for now, as it seemed. He had no doubt that she will file a complaint about his behaviour and he frowned at the thought.

"30 minutes, Commander," Joker replied seriously.

Captain Anderson called Shepard to debriefing room and Joker of course managed to make a little blunder once more, informing Anderson that Nhilus was looking for him and telling him that he should brace for it. Anderson replied to Joker that Nhilus is already in room with him.

"Good luck, Shepard. Anderson sounds mad," Joker commented as Shepard was turning around.

"You always make him mad," Kaidan teased Joker.

"And I have to deal with it now," Shepard scowled and let out a puff.

"Just use your womanly charms, Shepard," Joker dared to throw at her.

"Focus on your work, Joker," Shepard said to him with annoyance. She wasn't happy with the fact that she will have to endure Nhilus. It seemed to her that the man is constantly on her tail, questioning every single decision she makes. It was obvious to her that there are some hidden motives behind it, but it was not her place to confront him about it. She did try asking Anderson few times, but he would tell her anything.

"Good luck... ma'am," Kaidan said to her almost in a whisper. He noticed that Nhilus was giving her hard time from some reason and he... well, he just wished her luck in dealing with him.

Shepard offered him a tiny half-smile and nodded her thanks. He could do nothing else than smile back at her as he watched her go, her head held high and confidence in every step she took.

When Kaidan turned his head back to Joker he noticed that the man is looking at him with raised eyebrow.

"Just shut up," Kaidan said to Joker then began to fuss with the buttons on the command-panel.

"I wasn't about to say a thing... not a thing," Joker replied, chuckling.

Kaidan decided to ignore the man.

* * *

Commander Shepard was far from happy when she discovered that Nhilus was waiting for her in debriefing room while Captain Anderson was nowhere to be seen. She straighten her posture and crossed her arms behind her back, looking coldly at the monitors in-front of her.

It was Nhilus who broke the silence first and asked Commander Shepard some non-important things about Freedom Progress, a human mining colony that they were about to dock at.

She found it strange that a turian would show any interest into a human colony and found it even more disturbing that he was asking for her opinion about it. She even noticed a hint of warmth laced in his words.

She was just about to ask Nhilus why he is engaging her in the small-talk when Anderson joined them and it was then when everything, or well, something more, was revealed to her.

Captain Anderson informed Shepard that she is being evaluated as a candidate for first human Spectre and Nhilus was to be the one to give his report on her to the Council. As such, she would undergo several missions with the turian.

She wasn't sure how to feel about it. She was definitely partly honoured that they would even consider her for the position. It would be ignorant to not be. But at same time she felt a super-huge burden being put on her shoulders. If she would make it, she would be the first and being the first was always... troublesome... It would also bring even more publicity to her than she already underwent and she definitely wasn't happy about it. She actually tried to object, saying that she is not fit for the job, which got quite an angry response from Anderson and at same time a chuckle form Nhilus. At the end, she didn't had any choice, really. The Alliance had put her name forward and that was it. She would either become the first human Spectre, which would be a grand feat for humanity, or she would fail and the media would tear her apart if the information about it would somehow leaked out.

They were in the middle of discussion when Joker interrupted them via comm, informing them that they have live feed from the colony.

As they watched the destruction caused by some unidentified ships and unidentified creatures all three of them wear grim expression. The mission just got complicated...

Commander Shepard wasn't really surprised... things rarely went without problems and she was expecting even more of them. She ordered Alenko and Jenkins to gear up and meet her in the Cargo Bay by the MAKO then ran to gear up her-self, Nhilus following her closely while they debated how they would approach the situation.

Freedom Progress was going to be Hell's Progress, that was something Shepard was sure of...


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5: Hell on Loose**

**Aspiration: Part Four**

Nhilus wanted to go alone, saying he will be much faster that way. Commander Shepard thought that is bullshit, but she remained silent. She was not in the position of teaching a Spectre how to do things... and perhaps he was right, but Angel Sun didn't liked it one bit.

Privateer Jenkins was still as enthusiastic as ever. She tried to bring the man down to ground few times over the course of her commanding, but it didn't help much. She couldn't really blame him, she knew all to good how it is when you are still fresh, but it worried her deeply. She knew that she can't depend on him, it was like bringing a kid into the battlefield, strapping a gun at his back and calling him a soldier... well, Jenkins did have training, so it was not exactly as such, but close nevertheless.

Lieutenant Alenko was another story. The man obviously had experience and Shepard was grateful for that. She would still have to look after him, it was her job as a Commander, but she also felt that she can trust him to have her back. He was executing her orders with meticulous accuracy. If she said duck, he did so even before she finished speaking, when she said run, he was at the next cover in a blink of an eye.

The only think that worried her, was something that Dr. Chakwas has told her few days ago. Lieutenant Alenko was suffering from numbing headaches. It didn't really interfere with his work aboard the Normandy, at least as far as she could see it, but she wondered what would happen if he gets one amidst the shooting. The fact that he has risen in his ranks to the Lieutenant and that he was an N6 told her that the worry is unfounded, but the -what if- remained in her mind regardless.

She spoke with Alenko about it once, and it seemed that he was quite taking aback for it. She didn't push it, however, sensing that the subject was personal and more than sensitive for him. Commander decided to give him and herself some more time before attempting to pry some more information out of him. For now it was enough, that he practically swore there would be no problems. The sincerity she felt in him was enough for her to trust him... for now.

She, Alenko and Jenkins just managed to make few meters over the battleground and the mans even offered few comments on the colony of Freedom Progress. Alenko pointed their attention to some strange, pink looking creatures and Jenkins usefully told them both, that the creatures are not aggressive and quite common sight on few planets where humans built their colonies. He did warn them both, however, that the creatures are filled with gas and if one would shoot at it, it would mildly explode. Neither wanted to see that in person, so they restrained from doing it.

It seemed that everything was going right, but that was short-lived thought as they were attacked by some flying mechanical probes. Commander Shepard ordered Alenko and Jenkins to stay in the cover, but it was already too late, Jenkins in the middle of running to another cover when the machines started to shoot. He fell to the ground.

Shepard mentally cursed and hoped that the man would be alive, but lack of the sound from him, didn't leave her with much hope. It was easy to dispatch the attackers between her precise sniper-rifle shoots and Alenko's biotics, but it was too late for the eager Jenkins.

Commander Shepard went over to the man, knelt in hope that perhaps she can still do something to help him, so did Alenko, but Jenkins was already dead, the shoot killed him in an instant. Shepard felt like screaming, but her training prevented such loose of control and she swallow it down. There would be time to feel guilt of failing later, now she needed to keep her head clean and on the mission. He was not the first man who died under her command, and she knew he wouldn't be the last either. Further-more, they were all a marines and each of them knew what they signed for, knowing that they could die any time, and accepted it, lived with it... She needed to focus on those who were still standing, if not, she would compromise their lives...

Commander Shepard stood up and focused on Kaidan's face, partially hidden by the helmet. She could easily see in his eyes that the death of Jenkins had affected him. She needed his head on the mission, not pondering what they could do differently as to prevent the Privateer's death... even if it was tempting to do just that.

Commander Shepard put a hand on Alenko's soldier, prompting him to look at her instead at their fallen comrade: "We need to leave him for now," she said.

Alenko looked at her and she could feel that part of him wants to object even if he didn't really said anything yet.

"There is nothing we can do right now," Shepard said to him gently. "And I need your head on the mission, Alenko," she added, still softly, but allowing a hint of commanding voice slip in also.

"Aye aye, ma'am," Alenko nodded to her. It seemed that what she told him helped him snap from what-ever dark place he started to sink in.

"We will return back for him when we are done here," she promised him. She noticed that Alenko and Jenkins were quite close, chatting in the mess-hall at breaks. It was hard enough to loose someone you were serving with, it was even harder to loose someone who was also your friend. That was the reason Shepard never really let anybody she was working with come close to her.

At some point as they continued on their path, they came along a soldier who was being attacked by geth's. They joined the fry without hesitation and made a short work out of the machines. It turned out that Engineer Ashley Williams was the sole survivor of her platoon and more than eager to destroy some more of those geth's.

Shepard could easily understand her desire to avenge the fallen, but that was a liability. A soldier who was seething in vengeance would not have clean head and would easily get them all killed. That was something that she didn't want to risk. Shepard was surprised when Alenko prevented their sift department and dared to object with her decision. He did it in a polite and unobtrusive way, but it was still some-what disturbing. Shepard wondered if that is common practice with him and if it would prove to be so, she would have to, at one point, reprimand him.

His objections were solid though and she couldn't dismiss them. She reluctantly changed her order and agreed that Williams joins them, but she did took time to give the woman few words, with more force, coldness and command that really necessary: "You follow my command without hesitation. If I say jump, you jump. Are we clear?"

Williams's eyes widened briefly as she saluted and responded with a crisp: "Aye aye, ma'am," but there was still eagerness that escaped from her.

Shepard sighted and ordered them forward, sending a glance at Kaidan who offered her a somewhat timid half-smile. She was compelled to return it, but she managed to turn away from him with only slight shake of her head, slightly annoyed with herself. She should be a bit angry at him for even daring to question her on the field, but something was keeping her from it.

On the way they managed to find some survivors. Commander Shepard managed to learn, with using her charm as much as intimidation, that they were smuggling. Williams was quite angry at it and voiced her displeasure vehemently.

In one of the hiding places they found a man who clearly lost his mind, chanting how they are all doomed. It was more than just a little annoying and Shepard rightfully felt that he was like a ticking boom. Something had to be done or he would do something to jeopardise their lives or the live of a scientist that was keeping him company.

"Say good-nigh," she said so sweetly that it made Kaidan wince as it sounded rather nastily and the creepy grin on her face seemed to support the instinct, more-so her action of hitting the man straight in his face, rendering him unconscious.

"Did you really had to do that," Kaidan frowned at her.

She merely shrugged her shoulders: "It was that or letting him do something stupid."

Kaidan found himself unable to comment further. Her logic was sound, even if he found her action a bit over the top... but well, the man was silenced and that was good, because he went on his nerves as much as it obviously went on Shepard's.

"Being faster on his own did him mayor good... it only get him killed," Shepard muttered under her breath as she seen the corpse of Nhilus.

"This is the Spectre you were asking about earlier," Ashley asked.

Shepard didn't bother to answer her as she was examining his body, so Kaidan did instead: "Yea, that's Nhilus..."

"Hm... one shoot to the back," Shepard concluded her investigation. "That's peculiar..."

"I say a dead turian is a good turian," Ashley commented and earned an angry stare from Shepard and made step back.

"Not if that turian came with us," Shepard said. "I would suggest that you keep your thought to yourself from now on, soldier," she added sternly.

Kaidan disturbed the stillness of the two as he indicated his head towards the crates. Shepard's eyes followed the direction immediately, her gun ready in her hand.

It turned out that one of the smugglers was hiding behind the crates. Ashley ranted that he was a coward for hiding there, but Shepard stopped her, claiming that he would only get killed otherwise. This way at least he was able to give her some information, mostly about another turian meeting the dead Spectre, claiming that they seemed like they knew each other and were even friends of sorts, until that other guys pulled a trigger on Nhilus and shoot him.

It made sense to Shepard. Nhilus was many things, but he didn't strike her as incompetent or stupid. But Shepard felt that they guy was holding something back and of course she got him to speak in short succession. He admitted he was smuggling and quite gladly gave some of the gear he stole to her. Shepard simply let him go afterwards, much to Ashley's disagreement.

They didn't lingered for long, moving in the direction that the smuggler told them the other turian who went by the name of Saren, as he told them, went. They faced some more geth's on their way.

One of them was particularly hard to handle as the shoots just got bounced away by his armour. It was lucky that she brought Kaidan with her for her managed to lift the offending geth in the air and hold him there while she switched to armour-penetrating mod. After that they made a short work out of him.

They took a train to another part of the colony, a place where the prothean's relic was discovered. The smuggler informed them that Saren was looking for it and it was logical to presume they would find him there.

When the train finally stopped, Shepard reluctantly discovered that multiple bombs were set over the place and they had only ten minutes to find and disable them all, while facing the geth's who armed it. It was a battle with time.

Kaidan promptly offered to disarm the things when they would find them. He had some experience with it and he was a technician, so Shepard agreed to take turns with him. As an N7 she was quite skilled in arming and disarming bombs also. She did keep an eye on what Kaidan was doing when it was his first turn, just in case... but she was glad to see, that he indeed knew his way around it and somehow they even ended competing against each other to see who would managed to disarmed it first, something that made Ashley quite nervous. After the fifth bomb, the last one, was disarmed Shepard and Kaidan took one second to compare their times and discovered that neither had won. Ashley muttered something under her breath, no doubt a nice juicy course, but kept silent afterwards for all she got was a nasty glare from Shepard.

If they hopped that they would catch up with Saren, their hopes were in vain. All they found around the relic were more geths and even some husks. They met the latter at some point before already, seeing the spikes from which they were released. In form they vaguely looked somewhat human, but they were far from it. They reminded Shepard of some techno-zombies more than anything else. Kaidan seemed to agree as he noted, that he feels he just found himself in some low-cost-production horror movie from 20th Earth's Century.

One of the husks managed to slip by Shepard and approach Kaidan unharmed. It promptly enveloped it's legs and hands around him and started to bash its head on Kaidan's helmet. Kaidan was just about to send it flying away from him with usage of his biotics when a single shoot sounded and entered the creature's head in it's right temple. The husk's legs and hands slapped and it slide to the ground.

"Thanks, ma'am," Kaidan managed to say. Shepard gave him a tiny nod in acknowledgement and strode down towards the relic. Ashley and Kaidan carefully followed her, looking around for possible enemies that might still be lurking behind one or other crate.

When they established the perimeter secured, Commander Shepard turned on her comm-link, called Normandy for pick up. Saren evaded them, as it seemed, the geths were either destroyed or boarded on the ship that they saw leaving and thus there was nothing for them to do any-more. The mission has ended. The mission was a complete and total failure even if some of the colonists remained alive.

Commander Shepard's attention was elsewhere when Kaidan did something he would deeply regret for next twenty-four hours.

Kaidan was mesmerized by the relic he saw before him and he could do nothing else than step closer to it, wanting to have a good look when the damned thing suddenly activated itself and a beam of green light enveloped him and started to pull him towards it. He tried to resist it, but there was no use in it, if anything the pull only became stronger. He wanted to call out for help, but he was completely unable to do so. Kaidan panicked...

Ashley was listing to Shepard, completely focused on her face. It was only now, that the fighting was over, that she got a good look at the woman. She heard many things about the Commander, hell, everybody did, and seeing the woman in front of her, even joining under her command for short time was something entirely different. Shepard was a military super-star, while Ashley was always regarded as a black sheep in the military herd due to her family history, namely her grand-father surrendering to the turians. She was sure that somebody like Shepard would never agreed to work with her due to the "sins of her grand-father" and thus this time had to be cherished. Ashley was thanking God for it's gift at same time as she was praying that perhaps Shepard would add a good word about her performance into the files... it would probably help with reputation. As such, Ashley was not paying attention to the happenings in the surrounding and didn't notice Kaidan approaching the relic nor that he was now pulled towards with some sort of beam.

When Shepard finished speaking and finally turned around to give the relic a proper look as she was wondering why the heck Saren wanted it at first place, she noticed the green beam pulling Lieutenant Alenko enveloped into the green light.

"Alenko," Shepard called to him, wanting to catch his attention and order him away from it, but as soon as she called out it became quite obvious to her that he is being pulled towards it and rendered unable to remove himself from it.

Shepard had no time to think, she didn't allowed herself to think. She already lost Jenkins and she was in no way ready to loose another soldier under her command on the very sane mission. She sprinted towards Kaidan, grabbed him and used the momentum from her sprint to spin them around and throw him out of the harm's way. Of course she completely disregarded the fact that in doing so, she might get caught into the pull and as such she was. She tried to free herself but to no avail.

Air left Kaidan's lungs as he hit the ground with full force. He briefly wondered from where this woman gathered enough strength to not just pull him out, but throw him so forcefully away also, but that thought was pushed aside as soon as he noticed that even if he was freed, she was not. His insides twisted into the knot.

Kaidan tried to get up and run to the rescue, but Ashley was already by his side and she pushed him back to the ground, claiming that it is too dangerous. He cursed at her and tried again, but his muscles weren't exactly cooperating with him, probably due to the effect of being pulled by the beam and his earlier struggle against it, so Ashley managed to overpower him. He wanted to use his biotics and pull her out of it, but he was too drained and he couldn't produce even a sparkle of blue. All he could do, was watch Shepard being pulled in the air and held there for few moments that felt longer than life, then the beam went out and she fell to the ground, unmoving.

Ashley stared at the Commander, still griping Alenko back. He muttered few dark curses at her and had to practically order her to let him go. That got through her shock and allowed him to get on his feet, running as fast as he could towards his Commander. Ashley gingerly followed him, thinking that her opportunity to get a commendation from Shepard was ruined.

Kaidan keeled down, carefully and gently turned Shepard around. The paleness of her face brought him nothing but fear. He sought her pulse and was relieved when he discovered that she is still alive. Her heart-beat was erratic and not as strong as he would like, but at least they still had a chance to save her. He fused around here, hoping to find something that he would be able to heal with his knowledge of field-medicine, but there was no visible wounds to find.

Ashley took the opportunity to answer the call from the Normandy. Joker informed them that there is no way the ship could pick them up where they were. They would have to walk all the way back to the initial landing.

Ashley suggested to Kaidan that they should leave Shepard behind, but he just gave her a dark look and instead of saying anything, tried to pick up the Commander on his own. If not for previous exertions, he would definitely be able to carry the woman back to Normandy and he did managed to get her up even if every muscle in his body protested. He was relieved to discover that, considering all, she was actually quite light in his hands.

He strode away with purpose. The woman had risk her life to save him and this was the least he could do. There was no doubt in his mind that she would file quite a nasty piece to his files and probably demand that he is transferred somewhere else and degraded in rank... If he would be lucky, he would be allowed to stay in the Alliance and get some-sort of a desk job at least... But all that didn't really mattered. All that mattered was her survival and he would do the best as he could no matter what.

Ashley followed him in silence for a while, then she suggested that they seek a doctor among the survivals. It would be probably faster and easier than to get the Commander to the ship's med-bay. He wouldn't hear it, dismissing her with saying that if anybody can help Shepard then that would be Dr. Chakwas, and she was on the ship, not somewhere in the colony. Ashley found that irrational, but Kaidan simply told her that they do not know for a fact that any doctor even survived the attack. Seeking one out only to find that there is none would seriously jeopardize Shepard's recovery. There was nothing she could say to that and besides, the Lieutenant clearly over-ranked her, so she continued to follow him as soundless as was possible.

They had only about one-third of the path to walk to when Ashley noticed that Kaidan is loosing his strength, his knees slowly started to buckle. She offered to carry Shepard, but he was more than just reluctant to let the woman from his grasp, actually he was being stubborn to the point of frustration. At the end he agreed to compromise, allowing Ashley to partly help him and they both carried Shepard for the remaining path.

When Commander Shepard was safely in the med-bay, Kaidan refused leaving her sight and earned pointed glares from Dr. Chakwas and Captain Anderson alike. All either of them could get from him was, that he is to blame for Shepard's condition. After a while, when Dr. Chakwas declared that Shepard is not dying any-time soon, Captain Anderson managed to pull Kaidan away from the sick-bed under order that he wants to be briefed on all that happened. Even then Kaidan was reluctant to leave, and did that only when Dr. Chakwas promised he can return back when he is done. Captain Anderson was about to disagree with such promise, it was quite irregular, but Dr. Chakwas told him it would be for the best if they left him to. It was obvious that the man felt so much guilt that it was practically killing him.

Kaidan gave Captain Anderson a report, at least as much as he could remember in the state of mind he was in at the time, then hurried back to the med-bay without bothering to re-dress. He pulled out of his armour in the med-bay, as quietly as possible and let it lay in the corner of the room. The next day he spent either pacing around the room or sitting in a chair by the Commander's bed, staring at the woman. It was then when it hit him, as he watch her sleep, or at least Dr, Chakwas said she is sleeping, that he didn't meet Shepard in the bar at the Citadel for the first time.

His eyes followed the curve of her face, taking in the paleness of her face as her hair spilled around her freely. The lightning in the med-bay was same as they had in a hospital sector of Arcturus Station. He wasn't sure if it was the light that triggered his memory or it was the utter fragility of the state that she was in. It didn't really matter, but he did wonder why the heck he didn't recognize her as the silent woman who looked all but broken when she was looking at the stars before... And in same question there was an answer.

The woman he meet back there was silent, fragile and broken. She didn't talk, she hardly even moved. The woman he met at the bar was all laughter, cheerfulness and flirtations. The woman he served under was force to be reckoned with, strong, demanding and … well... amazing. She was definitely the same person, but she was completely and almost ridiculously different in those situations.

Kaidan wondered if she remembered him from before also, but he concluded that she probably didn't or if she did, she obviously didn't want to speak of it. In any case, the guilt that he was to be blamed for her current position became even bigger with the knowledge that he had now.

Alenko hated that there was nothing he could do to help her now. He could just sit and wait...


End file.
